Tag: roomba

Roomba Shenanigans

Just when we think the office Roomba has finally learned to do his job, he always seems to find a new way to mess up. The other day, he surpassed all expectations and went from incompetent to cunning.

We arrived to find the office wifi turned off; my coworker soon discovered that her mac charger was missing too. Of course, our first suspect was the Roomba – however, he was cleared of all charges when we searched him for evidence, and found no incriminating charger cables in his insides. The next hypothesis was that somebody must have come to borrow the charger, in the process of taking it accidentally switched the wifi off, and then forgotten to return it.

However, nobody would admit to the charger theft. As the situation was growing dire, and my co-workers poor mac was slowly nearing death, we ended up searching the entire office.

Not only had the Roomba managed to pull out the charger and turn off the wifi; he had dragged the charger to the opposite end of the room, and out of sight behind a large rack, hidden the evidence of his crime. After dropping the charger in the most out of place spot, he returned home to his nest (a feat he manages about 20% of the time, most days we find him stranded in the middle of the floor after eating something bad, or jammed under a shelf that’s aaalmost tall enough for him). Bad robot.

Ways the Office Roomba Resembles my Ex-Manager

  • Gets hopelessly lost in the stockroom.
  • Once, we found the Roomba back home in its charging stand every day for a week. We thought it had finally learned to do its job. Turns out, it wasn’t charging propery and actually hadn’t done anything all week.
  • Seems to be mindlessly whirring about in a state of perpetual confusion.
  • Eats things it really shouldn’t.
  • Is obnoxiously loud and distracting, randomly comes over to my area when it is in no way necessary.
  • Keeps trying to consume literal garbage.
  • Seriously how do you not know where things are yet, your target is RIGHT THERE.
  • We’re bending over backwards to accomodate its shortcomings. Despite numerous cardboard boxes to block off the shelves that are juust far enough off the ground to get stuck under, getting all the power cords off the floor, and making really idiot proof post-it notes to mark where everything is I swear to fuck dude how do you still not know where that shelf is you’ve been here 3 months and it’s sharpied on there on the most eyecatchingly bright note, they still find a way to fuck it up.
  • Meant to make the workday better, but through utter incompetence really only adds to everybody else’s workload.

Officially, the reason we named the Roomba after our old manager (he got fired) is because he did the vacuuming before we got it, and was the one to suggest we buy it. In reality though, it’s because they both totally suck.

Bonus section!

Ways the office Roomba Differs from my Ex-Manager

  • I like the Roomba